The Debt Free Virgin Without Tattoos who Married at age 42.

Add caption

With all the talk about the post "Men Prefer Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos", I think it's appropriate to tell my story -- a story not often heard of the consequences of purity culture.  I grew up in a church that allowed dating (although no dancing, but we had great times at non-dancing activities.)  I spent two years at a college of my denomination, dates were allowed, and I still have good friends from that time in my life.

(This post contains affiliate links.)

My dad was hit by a drunk driver, and I didn't have the money to go back to college, so I stayed home a couple years.  I didn't have the money to attend a Christian college, so I went to a state school and was in Christian groups.  While I was there, the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye became very popular amongst my friends, and I bought into it completely.  I had a list of things I would not do with a man before I was married.  (Even allowing him to touch my head was on it.)

I was so hopeful that doing all this would mean God would grant me the wonderful Christian man that I deserved.  (What?  How can you earn a good husband?) 

Book Review: Fierce Women by Kimberly Wagner

FTC disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review.  All opinions are my own.  This post contains affiliate links.  

Growing up in church I was taught the importance of being meek and mild.  The verse in  First Peter where women should have a gentle and quiet spirit was impressed on me.  I wasn’t the most lady-like girl in the youth group and I always thought I was failing to live up to what God expected from me.  So when I saw that Moody Publishers was offering Fierce Women:  The Power of a Soft Warrior by Kimberly Wagner for review, I couldn’t wait to request it.

The author believes that God has instilled a fierceness within every woman.  I have always been a go-getter and this really interested me -- what if my personality isn’t something to always squelch but to embrace as God-given?  The thought really intrigued me.

Yet, this was a book much about marriage.   I’m not married, but I am dating a wonderful man.  Learning about what works and doesn’t work in marriage is something that I find helpful at this stage because I feel like what I learn now is preparation.  Sort of like studying for an exam.  Yet, even with this being a book about marriage, I still gleaned a lot of wisdom from this volume especially since I wanted to see how to be godly and fierce at the same time.

I loved the list of how humility affects a fierce woman.  I think the defining one for me is she’s a soft warrior.  Not harsh.  She gets the job done in her own kind way.   Other advice she gives through the book is to watch how we give advice to men (I’m learning that already.  I might be excited about a completed project and rattle on about that, but instead of it sounding like I’m just looking forward to completion, it might be interpreted differently by a man.)  I also loved how she described how the marriage relationship parallels Christ and the Church.  This is something I think hasn’t been taught on enough in Christianity. 

Review: Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer

FTC disclaimer:  This post contains referral links.

When I was a teenager in youth group, I used to be told “Pray for your future husband. He needs your prayers.” The advice was good, but no one ever said HOW to pray for your future husband or WHAT to pray for him.

That's where Robin Jones Gunn's and Tricia Goyer's book Praying for Your Future Husband comes in. The subtitle is “Preparing Your Heart for His” so from just the cover you know it's not all about your Prince Charming, but on what the future bride can do NOW to get herself ready for her husband.

Gunn and Goyer have twelve chapters of things we can pray for our future husband. (Although not mentioned, if wanted you could focus on one chapter a month.) Also in the back is a list of fifty-two Scriptures with comments of how to use each of those in prayer. They did make the suggestion these be used one per week for a year.

Thoughts on One Year of Marriage (Or What NOT to say to the Happy Couple)

This week marked one year of wedded bliss for my husband and me.  We celebrated by baking a cake the same flavor as our wedding cake once the tradition of year old wedding cake was deemed "gross" with the freezer burn forming puddles of water on top of our actual wedding cake.  We also went out to eat at a restaurant where we had won a gift certificate.  There were a couple kids screaming that had they been drunk adults they would have been asked to leave.  (In fact, most drunks I have ever seen have behaved better than these kids did.)  We killed two bugs at our table, and had mediocre food.  We have decided that after our wedding night in the ER and then later a trip to a resort that looked like it could have staged a 1970s horror film or 1970s porn movie, we're not going to try to do anything special for our anniversary again.  

An Interesting Observation on Marriage Advice

I've been married under two months.  I don't think that makes me an expert on marriage by any stretch of the imagination.  I do, however, want to talk about marriage advice that was given us and give a few suggestions if you are giving advice to newlyweds or those soon to be married.

Book Review: 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage Review

FTC disclaimer:  I received an advanced reading copy of this book to facilitate my review.  This post does contain affiliate links.  All opinions are my own.

I've been married for about five weeks.  Some people are probably wondering why I feel qualified to review a book on marriage.  A fact that has surprised several friends recently is I am no stranger to reading books on marriage.  I heard a speaker in high school say we should read up on subjects that interest us and that are important to us.  I've always wanted to get married, so I started reading books on marriage at that time.  After all, your marriage is your most important human relationship.  I know a number of people would say that is incorrect and your most important human relationship should be your child.  I disagree, because I feel like a child will thrive more if he knows both parents love each other.

The 5 Money Personalities : Speaking the Same Love and Money Language Book Review

FTC disclaimer:  I received this book in order to do a review.  All opinions are my own.  This post contains affiliate links.


In The Five Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language, Scott and Bethany Palmer -- also known as "The Money Couple" -- discuss the traits that each person may have that can affect the relationships of those around them.  When about half of marriages end in divorce, and money is the number one issue that couples argue about, I believe this is a very important book for everyone to read.  I’m single, but it helped me understand others who don’t have my money personality.

One of the things they discuss in this book is how to handle it if you have married someone with an opposite personality.  Or what if your secondary money personality trait is opposite of your main one!  That can actually be quite common, and leave that person fretting about decisions.

One of the neat things is they have resources on their website to compliment the book.  It was no surprise to me when I took the quiz that my primary personality was “saver”.  I remember as a child my grandparents giving me a jar full of coins for my birthday thinking I’d use them to play video games.  Instead I took them to the bank and deposited the nearly $40 in change in my savings account.  My secondary trait is “security seeker”.  This is something that took a long conversation with someone recently when he was asking why debt bothered me.  Don’t know how to start a conversation like that? It’s needed and this book has advice on how to broach the tough topics of how your spouse wastes money in your eyes. 

Also included in the book is an appendix of how to survive live with someone with that other money personality (or even your own!)  If you’re a spender you might need to reign yourself in come birthdays or Christmas, but the saver might need a little help spending their hard earned money on other people.

I highly recommend this book to everyone.  It gives a lot of insight to why we handle money the way we do, and I believe if read and the principles in it were applied, it could save a lot of marriages.

You can purchase this book at Amazon.