Judging -- When you don't know the whole story.

We go to a church in our closest city when we are able.  It's a little over two hours away and it gives us a lot of discussion time being in the car that long.  We often discuss what the homily or youth group was focused on.  Even though we are adults, we are welcome in the youth group as we have a good relationship not only with this church but many of the teens.

One of the many topics we discussed recently was how there are so many different ways of judging others.  There's the obvious "What you are doing is a sin" way of judging others, but sometimes we can be judging just because we don't know the whole story.

An example of this is some years back I had hundreds of McDonalds monopoly pieces that were winners for free food.  I had sent away for a lot of game pieces, and had way too many.  I gave a huge amount to a local church to give to those who might not be able to afford lunch otherwise.  If someone were to see a family each one with a meal that costs about $5 and you suspected they were on welfare, would your first thought be that they got it free or that they shouldn't be allowed to eat there because they should save their money.

Our Slice of Eternity

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On my wedding day many, many thoughts went through my head.   One of my favorite moments of the day was when we asked all our guests to join us for a group photo by the crosses at the church we got married in. This isthe church I grew up in, and looking at the charter membership, I think there are more charter members who have passed on than are still on this earth.   My memories from this church are dear.  I remember a lady named Dean stringing Christmas lights around her feet, plugging them in, and asking, "What hymn am I?"  (Answer:  Let the Lower Lights be Burning.)  I remember her husband, Bob, one time saying we needed to sing a new to us hymn and somehow picking something more suited to a toddler Sunday School class.  I never laughed so hard in church in my life.  Dean and I could't even sit up straight we were laughing so hard.  Then there was our precious Gayle.  She invited me to church in 1986, and passed away a few years later.  Who knew that when she invited me to that church, I would someday get married in it?  When I learned she passed away, I was helping with VBS that week (Anyone remember JoyTrek space themed VBS?)  It was the closing program, and my friend Shelly got up and sand "Friends" by Michael W. Smith and said Gayle had passed away.  I can remember feeling responsible for my 5th and 6th graders but just wanting to run out and scream "Why God?"  I remember the care in picking out a sympathy card for her family.  It was the first time I ever had to send a sympathy card to a friend's family.

In addition to friends and family from that church, from where we had the group photo I could see my parents' grave.  

Something about that moment gave me chills.   We are here.   Yet we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses.  

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside

 every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with 

patience the race that is set before us  Hebrews 12:1 KJV

My mother had a story in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Messages from Heaven: 101 Miraculous Stories of Signs from Beyond, Amazing Connections, and Love that Doesn't Die.  In her story she talked about how she made a bit of the journey to the afterlife with her uncle.  I'm not one for what I call "Heaven Tourism" stories, but I remembered what she said about seeing people she knew who had gone before and seeing those she knew would come after her.  I thought of this.

Somehow the cloud of witnesses almost felt tangible on that day.  We are just one small slice of enternity.   The Bible says the average person lives 70 years.  That's a drop in the bucket of time.  No matter how long we live on this earth, it's never long enough.  My husband's grandfather passed away at age 99, yet it still didn't feel long enough as his goal was to live to 100.

We have a small slice of eternity to make a difference.   Let's use it wisely, and remember those who came before us.

Sneak Peak of wedding Photos

I have a lot of wedding posts I want to make soon, (including how I spent my wedding night in the emergency room.   I am fine now, but I thought I had appendicitis.)  But here's a few photos until I get back into the swing of blogging again next week.

The Weirdest things Happen to May May 2015 edition.

I can't believe that one week from today I'll be married.   Actually with the stress I can.  Stress is at an all time high for me.  The contractors finally finished the kitchen this week.  I told them to be done by May 1st.  So the house is pretty much still unlivable.  I can't find my veil.  My guest book pen is still among the missing, the bulletins aren't done, I still have the slide show to put together, favors to assemble, and that's just the beginning.

The other day I was in Walmart getting some last minute items.  Well, not too last minute, but some stuff I needed.  My fiance saw an older man had been carrying a broken bottle of Palmolive through the store, and my fiance stopped, but I walked right into it.  I pulled a muscle in my back trying to keep my balance.  Then as I stepped out of the puddle my Palmolive covered shoes wanted to send me down to the floor again.  I had to finish the rest of my shopping trip in pain and barefoot until my fiance took my shoes into the bathroom and washed off all the dish washing liquid.

I'm at that stressed out level now that I am having nightmares about not getting everything done for the wedding.   I am looking forward to having as much done as will get done and enjoying everything.  Being out of commission for over 48 hours due to a man carrying a broken bottle of Palmolive through a store is NOT something that was good timing.  Not that it would ever be good timing, but there are times it would be a lot less stressful than it is now.

Seven days!

The Day I left Church in Tears

I'm 41 years old, and I'm getting married for the first time in nineteen days.  I never expected to be this old and just now getting married, but my mother had a lot of health problems and once the time was right and I met my boyfriend, my mother asked him to move here and help take care of her.  I had been taking care of her myself but  it was too much for me to handle at that point without help.  She didn't want to live her final days in a nursing home.  I honored my mother's wishes, and my boyfriend did, too.  Between the two of us, we were able to keep her at home.  To me, it was the right thing to do, and I felt I was doing what God wanted for me as well.  She passed away at home, while I was at a small group from church.

Last Mother's Day was the first without her.   I headed to the first service our church holds, and it being on a Saturday I thought I was "safe".  I remembered how my mother said in her childhood church every woman got a carnation -- one color if your mother was living and another if your mother was deceased.  I thought about how difficult it would be the first year to wear the deceased color.

Nothing was said about Mother's Day all through the service.  But at the end.  Oh, how I wish I had left early.  Our church had about 50 in that service, and the mi
nister called all mothers up to the front.  I was the only adult woman left in the pews.  It was all men and me.  (I don't recall any children being at that service.)  I felt so singled out when every woman but me was called to the front.  Every woman but me received a flower.   It was uncomfortable, but I've dealt with that for years.  It doesn't matter how much you may want a child, at most churches I've been to only those who have children either biologically or adopted are honored.  (I've often wondered how women who have no children with them but have given a child a chance at a better life by releasing them to be adopted feel when all mothers are to stand.)

Mom and me after she was on dialysis for a couple years.

I was the only woman who was not given a flower.  I was the only woman looking on at all the other women while the minister did a mini-sermon about how being a mother and raising a child is God's highest calling.   (Isn't the calling God has on your life His highest calling for you?  And my calling is not what someone else's calling is so why should we say what is God's highest calling?)    My fiance tried to comfort me, but that only made it worse.  I was in absolute tears.  So much so that one of the women brought her flower to me, the childless one.

Isaiah 51:4 says it beautifully:

Rejoice, childless one, who did not give birth; burst into song and shout, you who have not been in labor! For the children of the forsaken one will be more than the children of the married woman," says the LORD."   (NLT)

Yet, it sometimes feels that churches forget this verse.  I have a friend named Leslie who is an amazing children's volunteer in her church.  She's still single.  Do you think the dozens of children she has ministered to would not rise up and call her blessed?  (Proverbs 31) I know I feel that way about the children's and youth workers I have had in my growing up years.  Leslie has children -- just in a different way -- their parents trust her with their child's spiritual education each week.  Mother's Day is just as much about Leslie as it is the woman who gave birth.  Let's begin to recognize that fact, and honor the sacrifices people like Leslie make.  We met at a retreat and she said how much she loved the times of worship because it was so seldom she was able to be in an adult worship service.

Last year after the minister finished his mini-sermon on motherhood being the highest calling in a woman's life, church was dismissed.  I want children.  I spoke to my doctor today about the possibilities and risks of trying to have a child.  I'm 41 and have health problems.  From the sounds of things, it likely won't happen.  We hope to adopt.  But until now God's highest calling for me was taking care of my ailing mother.   I couldn't have cared for her the way she needed if I would have had children.

Ours was the first of four church services over Mother's Day weekend last year.  As I left the church, I mentioned to the minister that he might want to be aware that there are women who want children and can't have them and hearing that motherhood was God's highest calling might not be the best way to honor mothers.  I was met with silence and a blank stare.

As soon as I got to the car, I announced I was never again attending church on Mother's Day as it was too painful.  I went home and went to bed.  My fiance had the next day off work and wanted to see me busy so we did a day of geocaching until we were exhausted.

Let's remember that God calls different people to different things.  Mother's Day can be a difficult day for various reasons.  Infertility, singleness, miscarriage.  I'm not saying to not  honor mothers but I'd love to see churches be mindful of the pain this day can cause, and let's also remember the Leslies in our church, the single women who give so much to the children.

West Virginia Ramps (Wild Onions)

I think most people think of inclines when you say "ramps", but that's not the case if you're from West Virginia.  It's the end of ramp season right now and in this part of the country, when people say "ramps" they are often referring to a wild onion.

These have a very strong and distinct flavor.  Legend has it that when my dad was in high school, there was a test he wasn't prepared for, and he put ramps behind the radiators in some of the classrooms causing school to be let out early because of the smell.  Some of his stories were a bit outlandish, but I tend to believe this one.

Friday Seven Takes Friday April 24, 2015 #7QT #SQT

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Yesterday marked one month until I get married.  Here's a few quick takes of what has been going on around here.

1.  There was an eight hour manhunt in my small town of 1500 last week.  A man murdered someone and then was on the run.  I don't know what of the rumors were true or not, but my fiance and I holed up in an upstairs room, with the lights out, checking social media, and had a couple knife blocks with us.  The suspect was either captured or turned himself in the next morning.  

2.  I've been sick, and my fiance has been sick.   I was supposed to have my teeth cleaned this week, but had to reschedule.   I get to do that next week.  I also binge watched Bulloch Family Ranch on gMovies.  (I have a giveaway going on for a six month subscription to gMovies.  Open to the US and Canada and ends 4/26.)

3.  Yesterday was one month until the wedding.  Being sick for a week this close to the wedding?  Ain't nobody got time for that!  I've had a virus and then immediately developed a cold, barely over the viral infection.  

4.  Our premarital counseling was this week.  All I have to say is I hope the minister was wrong when he said that we'll always have things happen like last year and will never be done renovating the house.  (Last year 10 family, friends, and neighbors passed away, there was a breast cancer scare, diabetes diagnosis, false police report against me, blackmail that I didn't give into, burst water pipes, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.)   Renovating the house has been going on since November.  It's been an expensive process, lots of surprises (and none of them good), and even having to saw through a floor to get to the main water shut off.  Why it was put under a floor I don't know.  But I hope the minister actually meant small home repairs and not that we would always have projects like this going on:

5.  I was feeling so bad yesterday that one of my blogger programs announced they would be opening an amazing blogger opportunity later.  I read that, and fell asleep and dreamed they gave us ice cream and that it helped my throat from being sore.  (Needless to say when I woke up, I got some of the strawberry cheesecake ice cream that is in the freezer.)

6.  I registered to attend the National Sweepstakes convention in Boston.  I can't buy my plane tickets yet because I'm not sure if my name will officially be changed by then or not, but I'm excited.

7.   I found out that a roommate from college is flying in for my wedding.  I was on a Campus Crusade summer missions project in 1996, and three of my four roommates will be coming in even though they live in Montana, Kansas, and Tennessee.   It is very sad my parents wont' be at my wedding (they are both deceased) but these girls will help add so much joy to my wedding.  I can't begin to tell you what a blessing it is they will be there.  Yes, I'll miss my parents greatly, but there will still be so much love surrounding me.  I haven't seen them since 1998, 2005, and 2006, and we will Skype with the one girl who won't be here.  Its going to be amazing.

For more Seven Quick Takes, visit This Ain't The Lyceum

Why We Are NOT having Dancing at Our Wedding Reception

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I have never dreamed of having dancing at my wedding reception.  I grew up in the Church of the Nazarene and in that era, they frowned on dancing.  Square dance was not even allowed as a phys ed class.  I never learned to dance, and although I don't see it as a sin (at least depending on the type of dancing), I just had no desire for it at my wedding reception.  Growing up, I always thought I'd probably have the type of reception where everyone went downstairs in the church basement and drank punch, ate mints (and if was really fancy, wedding cake), and as entertainment watch the bride and groom open their gifts.  I have no desire to dance at my wedding reception.

Then I met and fell in love with someone from the city.  Country and city people are radically different.  The first time I mentioned no dancing to my fiance, he was surprised, but we both decided that given the situation, we wanted to come up with a fun alternative.

Orphan Song CD is only $5 at Family Christian

Most of my posts contain affiliate links where I get a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you when you purchase something through a link.  Thank you for starting your shopping here at Books, Bargains, Blessings.  I received a free Orphan Song CD from Family Christian to help facilitate this blog post.

Recently, I received the CD Orphan Song from Family Christian.  Would you believe this is a great CD that is only $5.

What is so great about it?  Well, I'm glad you asked!  It has fifteen songs on it from artists like Newsboys, Jars of Clay, and Nicole Mullen.  (My Shepherd by Nicole Mullen is my favorite on this album!  This is a great song with a very applicable message with a very catchy tune)  This compilation album was produced by David Mullin.

This is a StorySong CD.  That means you can listen to the music, share the music, and your purchase empowers those who are less fortunate.  The purchase of this CD helps orphans in Africa go to school -- sometimes they even need housing.  It says on the back of this CD "Help us build a better story for the world".   

One thing that struck me about this album was the photo inside the cover.  There is a teenage girl smiling and the biology book in front of her is in such bad shape schools in the United States would replace the book.  Yet to her it is a blessing.

You can buy  Orphan Song at FamilyChristian.com or in store.   I also have a giveaway for a $10 Family Christian Appreciation Certificate going on currently.  Be sure and enter, and this is one of the items you might decide to buy if you are a winner.

When I met Darryl Talley

As part of my "voice and story" posts, I'm going to be posting some memories from life.  Not one person experiences life the same way, we all have unique experiences, and some are worth sharing.  This is one I truly believe is worth remembering.

In 1983, I was in 4th grade.  I was, as of then, undiagnosed with a learning disability in math.  I could get the answer, but not show my work.  We took a test that required us only to come up with the correct answer, and I did so well on it that I was a math field day alternate.  Me!  The one who barely could keep up in math class!  To celebrate, my grandmother told me to pick anyone in Morgantown, WV and she'd try to arrange dinner with them for me.  She expected me to pick a photographer from the paper, but I chose Darryl Talley, who was a senior at WVU.  I'm not quite sure why I picked him, I wasn't a huge football fan, but did watch it when I was in the room and Dad had football on TV.  I surprised everyone then with my pick, and it still surprises me.

It's POSSIBLE to change the world Review and giveaway

FTC disclosure:  I received a copy of the book Possible in exchange for a fair and honest review.  I also received an appreciation certificate from Family Christian for hosting this giveaway.  This post contains an affiliate link to Family Christian.  This post is merely telling some of my experiences in helping with Nuru International.  Family Christian, Stephan Bauman, are in no way connected to Nuru International, although it's a great organization and I thought it appropriate to share about this organization.

When I was in college, we used to sit around and dream of changing the world.  I think a lot of college students do, but some friends of mine started a non-profit that has been amazing with results and as a result I feel I have a part in changing the world.   Because of this when Family Christian offered the opportunity to review Possible  by Stephan Bauman who is president and CEO of World Relief, I was excited because I know changing the world is possible.   I do it every time I list an item for sale online.  No, not impossible but Possible.

When I first received this book I couldn't wait to start reading it.  I knew that my friends had a new and innovative way to help include people in their fight against extreme poverty.  I wanted to read more of what they knew that I didn't.  This is a great book for anyone who wants to change the world, if you are on the front lines or if you work behind the scenes.  Just be warned, you will come away from this book knowing it can be done, and the "It will never work" excuse will no longer fly!  I also received a copy of Imagine What is Possible which is sold both as single copies or as 10 packs.  This booklet sums up the book in one short reading.  This is great for church groups to start finding their vision!

One of the things I liked about this book was the author mentioned different times that bloggers have a huge influence in our world.  We can help spread the word about causes and rally support.  I love how he emphasizes we find our talent and use it!  If we aren't talented in public speaking, that's not how we will likely change the world.  I'm good at social media, getting people involved in ideas, and spreading the word about causes.  I have a friend who uses her talents of crafts to raise money for missions and donate blankets and sweaters to newborns in need. She also crochets sleeping mats for the homeless. I have a talent of finding bargains, so it's not uncommon for me to walk away from a garage sale with a bag of yarn I got for almost nothing to give her to use in her projects.  Unusual ways of changing the world but it is giving to others.  Another lady I know loves using coupons and donates items she purchased almost free to her local food bank.  

In Possible, Bauman talked about finding our passion and sticking with it.  In another book I read recently, it said how we are all the church and if we have a passion, we shouldn't just say to our local church, "We need to do this thing that is my passion."  We are all the church, so we should follow our passion and ask the Church for help if needed.

I have two dear friends from college who have found their passion in adopting special needs children from Asia.  Sometimes special needs can be something as small as a cosmetic surgery. My friends have taken six children into their hearts and home.  My heart has been breaking for them because they were told their daughter Ami had epilepsy, but that's not what is wrong with her.  She actually has a very rare disease and is needing a major surgery that will leave her physically handicapped just so she can have quality of life.  She doesn't weigh enough at the moment for surgery.  Please pray for Ami.  She is so loved, and she is so seriously ill, even though she doesn't look it in this photo.

Ami and her mother.  Photo courtesy of Marjorie S.

Finding your passion makes world changing POSSIBLE.  You might not be able to change the entire world but you can change a corner of it.  Ami's life has been changed because of a couple who see the need for finding orphans a family.  Marjorie also helps others navigate through the adoption process.  

 Another passion of mine is a local public school.  I truly believe in education even though I don't currently have children.  After a big project I did to help out the school, I was quoted in the paper about helping others, "Everyone can do something."  A lot of those "somethings" add up.  Just find what you can do and anything is POSSIBLE!

A chemist, a magician, and a developer all walk into a meeting bringing different skills, but but wearing one common t-shirt.  If you can't read it, it says, "This t-shirt will not end extreme poverty, but you can with Nuru".   Each time I list something for sale online, I usually donate 10% of the amount to a charity, often times Nuru.  I have mentioned Nuru in an interview I have done about how I donate from auction sales.  I give, and I spread the word.  I might not be able to be on the ground in Africa making a difference, but this is how I make a difference from West Virginia.

Photo courtesy Billy Williams of Nuru International

What do my donations and spreading awareness make POSSIBLE?  A farmer has more maize than his family needs and he can sell some for a profit.   The lady in the photo is making her first deposit in a banking system and was so excited she was able to save some money that she asked for her photo to be taken.

Photos courtesy Billy Williams of Nuru International

Just like Stephan Bauman says in his book, let's find our cause, raise awareness, and change the world because it truly is possible.  If I can help change the world, you can too!  Find your passion.  Hone your skills, and let's see lasting change!

Needless to say, I highly recommend the book Possible.  This is great for every college student who is dreaming great dreams.  I recommend it to pastors, mission boards, those interested in the poor. Basically, if you care about people, I would say you should probably read this book.

Believe it or not, this was a book review sponsored by Family Christian.  They are a fantastic go to place for all your needs, it doesn't matter if you are having a VBS at your church or the jungle on a mission trip, they have the supplies you would need to make changing your world POSSIBLE.    They want to give one reader of this post a $10 Appreciation certificate to Family Christian.  This giveaway is open to the USA only and ends April 9.  Winner has 48 hours to respond to the winning e-mail or another winner will be chosen.

Enter in the widget below!  :)

Entry-Form

7QT: Wedding planning, Pepperoni Rolls, and Guinea pig Cake Toppers

Most of my posts contain affiliate links where I get a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you when you purchase something through a link.  Thank you for starting your shopping here at Books, Bargains, Blessings.

It's been a while since I did a Quick Take Friday.  But I decided today it was time to take a break from my currently busy life and write a blog post about wedding prep.

1.  I have the cake toppers but have no idea what we are doing about cake.

I wanted something different, something that screamed with my personality, and I found it thanks to My Custom Cake Topper on Etsy.  These have arrived, and I love them.  They are my guinea pigs Lucky and Archie. She created these from photos I provided. Aren't they adorable?  (No, I didn't receive anything by mentioning this Etsy store, I am just pleased with them and wanted to share.)  I do want a simple three tier cake to have a photo taken of us to look like my parents' wedding photo, but beyond that we aren't sure what we are doing about cake.  We are thinking of doing cakes that recently won in a contest for my fiance and that way we can do them ourselves.  We just aren't sure yet what we are going to do -- budget wedding but we also want things to be unique.  But I have the cake toppers.  

2. Candy Buffet

I thought a candy buffet would be a good idea.  Someone please tell me it will be.  Right now, I'm a bit frustrated at all the blue candy being blueberry or raspberry flavored.  We are currently planning on making some "hard tack" also known as "glass candy" and coloring it blue but flavoring it tangerine or some other yummy flavor.  I'm nearly ready to give up and make the candy buffet a rainbow.

3. Entertainment

I'm finally able to announce that master illusionist Scott Humston will be doing the entertainment for our reception.  He has even taken his show to the White House.  As both an entertainer and illusionist, it's going to be one wedding reception that no one in attendance will ever forget.

4. Pepperoni Rolls.

One of our food offerings at the reception will be pepperoni rolls.  If you aren't from West Virginia, you may never have heard of this delicacy.   They vary depending on what area of the state you are in, but we will be buying ones that are rolls with pepperoni and cheese baked inside them.  The grease soaks into the bread and they are one of the best treats you'll ever have.  Kind of like pizza rolls, but better.  They are a bit of heaven from the state of Almost Heaven.  Not even traditional, but nothing about this wedding is. 

5.  Flowerless Wedding.

I'm allergic to flowers.  I've had suggestions that I should go with silk flowers.  But the church we are getting married in is gorgeous.  It's an old time log cabin church with exposed beams.  I think flowers would take away from the beauty of the church.  And. . . . 

6.  A Bible instead of a Bouquet

I found my mother's bridal Bible -- the one she carried down the aisle when she married my dad.  The one my grandmother gave her.  Since my mother passed away last year and my father passed away 9 years ago, it seems appropriate I would carry her Bible.  Instead of a pillow, the ring bearer with be carrying Dad's Bible with ribbon around it.  What a wonderful way to make my parents part of the ceremony.

7.  I'm too busy.

I was telling my fiance last night I bit off more than I can chew at the moment.  I'm upgrading and renovating my blog.  I'm planning a budget wedding.  I am doing major renovations to the house.  And I'm tired.  I feel like I have too much on my plate right now, but there's no way I can back out of any of it.  Hopefully the major work with my blog will be done by next week and then I can just concentrate on content.  But the house renovations have revealed surprises in nearly every room so far and not good surprises.

For more 7 Quick Takes Friday posts, you can visit This Aint the Lyceum.

Our Online Dating -- And Marriage Story

FTC disclaimer:  This is a sponsored post from U.S. Cellular.  I am part of their Better Moments Blogger Brigade and I was compensated for this post.  All thoughts and opinions are my own.

U.S. Cellular offers a FREE PRINTABLE Parent Child agreement to help you discuss safety of the Internet, cell phone usage, limits, and courtesy with your teen or tween.  You don't even need to be a U.S. Cellular customer to access this, although I have been for 10 years and highly recommend them. 


I remember chatting on the phone for hours with one of my best friends when we were in high school.  These were the stone ages.  It would be common for a pesky brother to pick up the phone and listen in or demand to call his best friend.  For privacy, we'd often take the phone in a closet.   When I think back to those times, I'm so thankful for my iPhone!  If I want privacy, I can just walk to another room -- or take a walk.  I was first on the Internet in 1985 and it was nothing like it was now.  I was at a computer camp and we were able to use a clunky modem to connect to a teacher's bulletin board.  We only got to experience this amazing thing for a couple minutes because of long distance charges.  (Remember those?)  I never would have guessed when I first saw the Internet that I would meet my husband online someday.

Back in 2002 I tried eHarmony, but never really found anyone.  I have friends who have had success there, so that's why I tried them first.  There is now even an eHarmony App but back when I was on it, I was using a clunky desktop computer.  (This was five years prior to the iPhone coming out, and back then when I thought of an app I thought of the nachos supreme at the local casual dining restaurant.)

Then I went to Match.com  Of course, it's got an app now, too, at Match.  I even saw a friend of a friend there but I didn't have much luck there either.  I tried a few others. Then I decided to go the more inexpensive route.  Most people love these two services because they try to match you on so many things more than just surface qualities.  I remember finding a man on eHarmony who we communicated a few times, and I was hopeful but it didn't go anywhere.  One that didn't exist at the time was Coffee Meets Bagel where you can meet someone who is friends with at least one person on your Facebook friends list.  That would have been very interesting, but like I said, that didn't exist then.

I use my iPad Air and iPhone for everything, so it was natural I would download the OKCupid app.  Interestingly, this is a location based app where you can search for people in your area, as is Plenty of Fish.  However, I just searched for men on OK Cupid who had a high friendship match.  Some of them seemed a little too chummy.  I can only get so excited discussing football. But there was one man. . .

He and I hit it off as we started exchanging messages.  There were a million and one reasons I knew he wasn't for me me.  Distance (he lived four and a half hours away), age (we can crack a joke and the other one look blank because I'm 10 years older than he is.   I had to go on youtube to show him who Clara Peller was!)  But, we kept chatting with each other because there was nothing better to do.  (We met online on Feb 14, 2013.  That's absolute proof we had nothing better to do! Ha!)  As we kept chatting, we started liking each other more and more, and fell in love as much as you can online.

We continued to chat and use Facetime.  I went to a fitness camp for a week in Texas.  Each time I went to gather my gear after a workout, there was usually a text saying something like "I'm so proud of you.  Keep it up."   One of the ladies there glared at my iPhone and muttered something about how her husband didn't text her anything like that.  (Note to men:  you have a cell phone, use it to charm the woman in your life.  By the end of the week everyone knew about how sweet my "kinda-sorta boyfriend" was.)   Kinda-sorta because we hadn't met yet.  I can remember when meeting someone online was kind of talked about, but now it's pretty normal.  After all, we have cell phones with us all the time, and we're no longer confined to a desktop to meet someone.

We finally met, and it was everything we both hoped it would be.  He visited for a couple days and we were dating by the end of it, but not saying anything much to others because he wanted me to meet his family before we were official.   It was during that visit we went to Blackwater Falls State Park and took this photo.  It's one of my favorites, and our first photo together.  In fact, it's on the cover of our guest book!  Of course, I had my U.S. Cellular iPhone with me, and that's what captured this memory.

The next two months there were more visits.  Then my mother went in the hospital.  I was told if she didn't improve in 24 hours I would have to pull the plug.  I remember the first person I called was Terry -- I was bawling and managed to pull myself together enough to say "I need you".  He was able to arrange to be off from work, and as my mother improved she begged him to move to West Virginia to help with her care.  In November he did so.  That is an amazing man to move quicker than he originally intended because the woman he loves needs help caring for her mother.  My mother passed away a few months later, but she knew he was planning on asking me to marry him.

June 13, 2014 Terry asked me to marry him in a room full of fifty teenagers.  You can read the details of that here.  The amazing thing was that we were at a youth camp, and one of the rules was no cell phone usage until after dinner -- so none of them had their phones with them to capture the big moment.  I tossed mine to a college student at the next table in the dining room and he was able to capture this photo.  I never would have had a camera with me if I hadn't been carrying my iPhone in my pocket.   U.S. Cellular has a great Parent Child Agreement Form that is free to help you talk to your children about proper cell phone usage.  I know if I was in a room with 50 teenagers without a phone, it is possible to convey how important rules, safety, and courtesy are to young people.

Of course, one of the first things I did was snap a photo and post it to Facebook.  There was a joke at the camp because it was so difficult for the group to pick up a signal to use their phones -- but none of them had U.S. Cellular.  With the U.S. Cellular 4G network I didn't even have to go to the one spot that had better reception to post:

I said yes!

Our wedding is a little over two months away at this point.  I've done plenty of wedding planning using my phone.  Everything from texting and calling for addresses to mail invitations to posting updates on Facebook.  I've ordered items for the wedding, and even jotted notes I wanted to remember.   Needless to say I've spent a lot of time on Pinterest getting ideas for the big day -- although I have to say it's going to be the most unique wedding ever.  I booked a plane ticket recently for a friend who is a master illusionist who is going to do a show at the reception.  I have done price comparisons for candy for the candy buffet.  My cell phone has been a great tool to help me get organized!

My fiance and I are far from unusual, as about 35% of marriages start with online dating.  Sixty three percent of mobile phone users go online with their phone -- in fact on Valentine's Day 2015 my fiance couldn't even visit because the weather was so bad.  We spent Valentine's Day the same way we had spent it two years prior -- online.  Facetime might not be the way I dreamed of spending Valentine's Day, but I was glad I was able to spend it with him in some manner.  

Rules meant no decisions.

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I still feel very shaken by the phone call I had on Friday.  Years of my life trying to join a Church that I just feel doesn't want me -- but feeling a peace about it, too.  I'm not sure why life gave me that leg of my journey.  I just feel relief that it's over.  No more trying to jump through hoops.  No more obstacles put in my way.

I used to think faith was about rules and what I did and didn't do.  When I was in high school, I had a checklist of things to see how good of a Christian I was each week.  Choir practice?  check.  Memorize a Bible verse?  Check?  If I didn't write a missionary, deduct points.

Life was neat and orderly.  There was no gray.  Everything not done in faith was sin, and boy howdy, (as I used to say in high school) there was a lot of sin in those days.

My journey away from that isn't what I want to talk about right now, but sometimes how it would have seemed simpler to live in that, at least in some ways.  I remember friends who even acted dumber than they were so their husbands wouldn't feel like they were not as intelligent as their wife.  It was all part of being submissive to your husband (in the Biblical sense of the word, not as in Fifty Shades!)

I still get a magazine that is well known in some Fundamentalist circles.  I always read it, cover to cover.  Aside from being a voracious reader, there is something in me that feels like their lives are less complicated.  Denim skirts.  (I admit, I'm starting to buy some denim skirts these days but just because my fiance likes me wearing a skirt and I find them comfortable as well as much easier to shop for since I'm short.)  The women in this magazine generally have a lot of children, usually named Biblical names.  These photos look so clean, so polished, so perfect.

But being perfect nearly killed my spirit.  It's been a long journey from there, a lot of study, a lot of change.  I even learned some Ancient Hebrew so I could read parts of the Old Testament in its original language.  What that gave me was an understanding that I couldn't have received otherwise.  One verse that was always held up as a rally cry -- I have read it in the original language.  No one can ever again tell me that it means something it doesn't.  That is a liberating feeling.

I think of a Stephen Curtis Chapman song called "Remember Your Chains".   There's a line that says "No heart loves greater than one who is able to recall when all it knew was shame."   That's what all those rules did to me.  Shame.  I couldn't live up to what I had in my mind that was required from me.

But it was easier.  It was easier than having to weigh the pros and cons of each situation.  It was easier to say all movies in movie theaters were bad and avoiding even the Christian ones because of the "unsavory place" (and more for appearances because it wasn't avoiding every appearance of evil).  Now I have the difficult part of life where I have to make decisions and not all decisions are made for me by someone in "spiritual authority" over me. I have to own the responsibility of my choices and not avoid everything.

The amount of shame was profound.  I couldn't grasp grace.  Just that I was bad.  Not that I should become a Christian because God loved me but because I was bad and I would be punished otherwise.  That's not love.  That's manipulation.  And while I do believe it is true, that's not why we should love God.  I John says "We love because He first loved us."  Notice it doesn't say "We love because otherwise we would be punished."

I don't know if the true Gospel was truly never presented to me or if I was so enveloped in a "do good, don't do bad" world that I couldn't see the real message of faith.

I admit, sometimes it feels as if the days when I was following the rules to the letter were easier because I didn't have to make decisions.  But they certainly weren't as freeing and peaceful.

God's Grace doesn't Require Groveling

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I wrote an e-mail last night.  In it I said, "I don't think groveling becomes me."   I also said that if a church didn't want to open its arms to me, it was their loss not mine.  When my fiance got off work yesterday, I told him of a phone conversation I had.  We cried.  We cried for the time I invested in something that didn't work out.  We cried for how Jesus is represented inaccurately.  We cried because I felt hurt.

Yet, I felt a huge relief, too.   I e-mailed another person last night.  I tried to resist.  But I kept feeling like I should.  Her response just felt like salve to an open wound.  It was then, even before my fiance got home, I felt like everything was going to be okay.

What brought on my pain yesterday was a phone call.  But I have the wisdom to walk away from the situation.  During this phone call, many things were said that hurt, but right now the one that stuck out was, "Did you tithe on the inheritance you received?"   My mother died a little over a year ago.  I was only making a FOUR figure income in years prior because I lived with her to help take care of her.  Because of her many doctor appointments and dialysis treatments and limited mobility, I did what I could to make money at home.  But it was never quite enough.  I'm using that money now to remodel the house.  It's not out of vanity.  I want to be able to live in a house where there is no mold growing.  I can't imagine the 60 year old carpet is good for my allergies.  The people who lived here in the early 1980s had a cat that regularly used the carpet as a litter box.   On damp days you can still smell the ammonia.  Yet, I'm asked if I tithed.  If I did or if I didn't, that's something between God and me.  It is no one else's business, especially not someone who is not even my pastor!  I'm not even sure the money will last long enough to get all the mold and such out of the house.  Which is more important?  Padded pews for a church or making sure I have heat in the winter?  (My basement flooded this week and thankfully the motor on the furnace didn't go out.  Still it's over $1,000 to make sure it won't happen again.)  I'm not opposed to tithing and giving money.  I'm actually quite generous but what I give, where I give, how I give, and how much I give is not anyone else's business.

I am tired of manipulation in any sense of the word.  I don't have to jump through hoops to be loved by God.  Jesus isn't Santa Claus who is going to keep a list and check it twice.

Where did the grace go?  I remember being a student in college and our chapel resounding with the notes of the song "Wonderful Grace of Jesus"



All sufficient Grace for even me.  Wow.  Not because of what we've done, how much we've tithed, how much we've groveled or how many hoops we've jumped through.  It's all sufficient grace.  We don't need to add anything to be worthy.  It's done.

I had a dream last night where I was in a building that was underwater.  I only had so much oxygen yet I needed to get out of the water, and the only way to do that was through obstacles -- I needed to ascend to each floor.  Sometimes I had to do things to be allowed to pass to the next floor.  Only on the next to the last floor did I find a chance to rest.  I woke when I was able to burst out of this building and find freedom.

It seems so appropriate.  I've done so much striving hoping to be worthy for God.

Relationships shouldn't be made out of fear.  We should have the freedom to enjoy them.

Before I fell asleep last night, I picked up my copy of Runaway Radical I recently received to review.  I wanted to flip through it.  I related to the story.  I wanted to read through the last chapter once again.

I had no recollection the word groveling was used in the book as I finished reading it nearly a month ago.  I began reading the book as an outsider looking in, then as someone who felt compassion because of a similar -- but lesser experience.  But there it was.  Even the word "grovel":

Jonathan had finally received a response to his plea: "How long do I grovel at His feet?  He's not there."  And the response was, "I'm here, whether you are or not."  It wasn't too late; that Jesus was still around.  Had always been around.   (From Runaway Radical by Amy Hollingsworth and Jonathan Hollingsworth)

Jesus says in the book of Matthew "My yoke is easy and my burden light."   My desire is someday that all churches will ease up on the things they extra things require and allow Christians to enjoy God's grace, especially those of us who are intense about our faith and strive so hard.  Maybe, maybe it's time we just rest.   The beginning of that passage in Matthew says, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."  True rest can't come in following man made rules, but grace gives rest.

A man giving $1 Million to charity. . .

I saw this article the other day where a man is attempting to buy Thanksgiving dinner for six for under one dollar.  My first thought was "Why is this even news?"  I mean, how many of us who coupon and refund could do this?  I figure a number of us could.  Of course, often my mother and I have gotten a turkey TV dinner for Thanksgiving since it's just the two of us.  So, a dinner for six could feed the two of us for DAYS.

Especially with the refunds in my state for alcohol purchases this could be super easy.  (My state forbids the purchase of alcohol for an alcohol refund, so beer companies will often do things like "Buy $10 of frozen pizza and get $10 back after mail in refund".

This week I had a $10 off a $50 gift certificate purchase, $10 off $25 of Thanksgiving items, $6 off $10 of baking supplies, and $6 off $10 or more turkey.

So buy the gift card first before you buy the rest of your items.  (That's what I did.)  Then because I had the turkey refund I used the "Thanksgiving items" as vegetables, stuffing, etc.  Of course, I'm not even thinking of using coupons yet. 

A feat like this would be easier if you live in a city, esp. near a store that adds up your total spent before coupons are deducted.  Some places have deals like "Spend $250 and get a free turkey."  Okay, for instance, with my cereal deal I got $90 of cereal free.  That would be a huge step towards a free turkey.

But for me, I live in the middle of no where.  My town doesn't have a high school.  It's 20 minutes to the closest McDonalds.  There are three stop lights in my entire county (I think.)  We don't even have a "normal" grocery store in my town.  My choices of grocery stores in the next town are Foodland and Wal-Mart. 

I do a lot of my shopping an hour away.  That's where pretty much anything is for us except for Wal-Mart.    There I have choices of Kroger and Giant Eagle. 

But I believe given the time and want-to I could do Thanksgiving dinner for one dollar.  It's too late to plan to do so for this year, but I truly believe it's possible.

BUT. . .  I loved in the story where he said that he wants to eventually give one million dollars of items to food banks.  I never thought of it before, but I think that's a fantastic goal, and I think I will see if I can give one million away in my lifetime.  (I think all couponers should take on this challenge!)  Of course, I won't limit it to just stuff I got with coupons, but also with sweepstakes wins, etc. And not just to charity, but also to people having a rough time.  I know sometimes people are too proud to go to a food bank, but if you tell them you got the stuff free with coupons, they don't mind taking it!

It's 10pm. Do you know where your toilet is?

I know "It's 10 pm.  Do you know where your toilet is?" sounds like a silly blog post title, but recently my toilet was in my bathtub!

This actually begins a few years ago.  My bathroom needed some work done, and we hired a handyman.  First he never did get hot water to my sink.  (I have it now.)  Then he put vinyl flooring in -- UPSIDE DOWN.  Well, the perfectionist that I am didn't like upside down vinyl, so he put in other, this time right side up, but never fastened it down.  I started curling at the edges of the floor -- and in the middle where he chopped it up to put it down. 

After a couple toilet overflows we had our current handyman (different guy) take a look at it.  What he found really didn't surprise me.  The toilet had rusted off the cast iron pipes.  It was just sitting there on top of pipes.  But it had leaked enough the floor was rotted.  (That didn't surprise me, I knew the floor was wet because of the gaps in the vinyl from the previous handyman.)  Our current handyman told us that it was lucky that I hadn't landed in the laundry room the floor was so bad rotted.

Well, thus started our week of bathroom renovations to fix the necessitites.  First a new floor had to be put in.  I'm glad the joists were still good!  The first picture reminds me of Asain toilets!

Then of course we had to put new flooring on top of the floor because even though it was money we didn't really have, you can't have a bathroom floor of plywood! 

Then the basics started returning.

I'm thilled at a bathroom floor that I won't fall through, and I also really like flooring that isn't chopped up in places and curling away from the floor.   I'm still doing some basics in the bathroom and trying to decorate and get a little better organized on less than a shoestring budget.

In all the cost of the bathroom was around $1400.  Money that we don't really have to spare.

So, I know I've been begging for votes, but with a chance to win $2500, I really need the votes.   Just go to http://www.lifeofdumdums.com/ and you can vote daily.  My picture is the guinea pigs with the fire truck.  I really appriciate the votes, and just by voting you might win a $50 Fandango gift certificate!

So, I know where my toilet is now.  And I like it no longer being stored in the tub!  :)

Thanks GIVING!

I mentioned in a previous post that I'm participating in the 30 day giving challenge. 

Over the years I've heard people say things like "I don't have the money to give anything to anyone."  Money isn't always needed.  I get tons of stuff free at stores.  You have talents.  I'm sure there's a couple who would love for you to watch their child for a couple hours.  You can pray for someone.  There's lots of ways to give that don't cost anything.  A hug to a friend going through a tough time.  Listening when someone needs a friend.  Saving Boxtops for Education for a local school.  Saving Coke reward points for a local school.  (If you don't have a school you are giving these to, let me know and I can give you the address of a school who could really use them.)

One of the ways I love to give is by getting free stuff either through sweepstakes or using coupons and being able to give them away.  I know some people won't ask for help when they can use it, so I try to give directly as well as many times through organizations who provide Christmas gifts and such to children.  A few years ago I was able to buy $1700 of games for $65.  They went to a few different organziations for raffle items to help them raise money ("Family Fun Night" baskets).  I gave some to a friend who didn't have the money to buy much for her children for Christmas.  (Se nearly cried as she left with about $200 of stuff.  My cost was about $5.)  When I see a good deal, I jump on it.  Did I need all those games?  No.  But someone could use them.  That I knew. Same with the cereal deal I did last week.  I was amazed at the number of people who asked me what I was going to do with all that!

Food banks are really hurting right now.  In fact, to encourage giving, the West Virginia lottery is doing a "Give and Win" food drive.  They do this nearly every year.  November 10, 2010 if you take a non-perishable food item into certain lottery retailers you'll receive a free instant scratch-off lottery ticket.  You can see the list of places HERE.   It think it's a cool idea to raise awareness of food banks!

The only thing I often get free I can't figure a place to donate is over the counter medicines.  I can give them to people I know, but other places won't accept them.

A few ideas for giving stuff you've gotten free:

• Toilet paper:  churches, schools, Christian camps, homeless shelters, food banks, etc.
• School supplies:  schools, churches
• Food:  food banks, churches often help people who need assistance
• Toys:  save for Christmas and give at Angel Tree, Toys for Tots, churches, schools can often use toys as prizes/rewards
• Pet Food:  animal shelters, food banks (people often have pets even if they need assistance from a food bank)

Let's see how you can GIVE this week!  Like I said, it doesn't need to be something that costs money!